BEIJING – Former U.S. president Bill Clinton arrived in Beijing yesterday on a humanitarian mission aimed at securing the unblocking of social networking sites Facebook and Youtube.

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HONG KONG – Two Hong Kong journalists today confirmed the results of a Chinese investigation into allegations that they contributed to the recent unrest in western China.

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WASHINGTON – After a World Trade Organization ruling that China must ease restrictions on imported movies, music and books, the U.S. government announced that it is once again ready to be lied to about free trade.

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Facebook today announced that it’s previewing a dumbed-down version of its popular social networking in Afghanistan, India and North Korea.

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ZIKETAN, Qinghai – A corrupt Satanist, Boss Wang Shitou, invited several dozen of the local elite to his villa Monday for protection against the oncoming plague, the Red Death.

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SHANGHAI – No triad tattoos, no history of sexually transmitted diseases in the last five generations of your family and no lisp.

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BEIJING – China has banned online games featuring sinister Dons and baseball bat-wielding Mafiosi, accusing software designers and manufacturers of promoting anti-social behavior.

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SHANGHAI – People from around the world watched in amazement yesterday in Shanghai as clouds darkened the sky and rain fell.

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WENZHOU – A replica of Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch on an island north of Shanghai is the latest in a series of Chinese tributes to US landmarks, but not the last.

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PALO ALTO, California – Mark Zuckerberg was put off his evening meal this week after learning that Facebook had been used to disseminate disturbing and controversial information during China’s recent civil unrest.

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