HONG KONG – After analyzing the burnt remains of the YongLong Hotel in Shishou, Hubei Province, investigators determined today that the fire was caused by “stir-fried spicy tofu with cabbage”.

The shocking discovery, announced during a press conference Monday Sunday evening, finally sheds light on what took place in a small town in central China on Friday night, and answers a number of puzzling questions about the mysterious conflagration, as well as the death of 24-year-old chef Tu Yuangao.

“We can now say, with complete confidence, that the hotel was destroyed when Chef Tu spilled oil from his wok on an open gas flame, according to lead investigator Hong Weifang. “Indeed, a survey of all the evidence indicates that this terrible tragedy was the direct result of a small oil drip falling suddenly from the wok, dropping 30 cm, and colliding with the gas jet at an extremely high speed.”

“This is devastating news, to say the least,” Hong continued. “Hopefully our findings here will help bring some closure to the families most affected by this horrible event.”

Shishou’s Mayor issued a separate statement, praising investigators for their efficiency and discounting rumors that crowds set fire to the hotel on Friday night following Tu’s death. “It is a lie that Tu was murdered by the hotel’s owner, nor did Tu commit suicide by jumping out a window as previously stated by hotel owner,” it said, “Investigators have recovered pieces of Tu’s burnt apron. We assume he accidentally set himself on fire.”

Authorities said their first hint that the tragedy was caused by a kitchen fire came Sunday, when they recovered several tofu fragments and bits of cabbage that were not fused together in one solid mass, as is typical of a dish that has dropped four floors to the ground. The fragments were then analyzed and found to have been stuck to a man’s shoe, presumably Tu’s. The final clue, they said, was that certain key features of the burn site indicate the hotel did indeed feature a kitchen, which seemed to be consistent with claims by Tu’s family that he was employed there.

The discovery of Tu’s remains further supported the so-called “kitchen” theory, as investigators claimed he would most likely have already arrived at home had the hotel not be burned to the ground.

Police were able to retake the streets and the remains of the hotel just before dawn on Sunday morning, according to China’s official news, adding that the crowd “remained to watch the police campaign, rather than protest”.

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Bangkok – David Carradine’s manager claims that his client’s death was “foul play”. “There is no way the actor, found dead in Thailand, would have committed suicide,” he said.

“It is my belief that this is the work of Chinese agents,” said Chuck Binder, the star’s manager of six years. “He was doing a bunch of films, he was coming back to do more films, it was all great. He’d just bought a brand-new car. I think he was in a really great place. He was in a really happy marriage. And so none of it makes sense unless this is murder,” he said.

The actor was found naked in a Bangkok hotel with a rope around his neck and genitals. “There was no evidence of a struggle,” said Lt. Gen. Worapong Chewprecha of the Royal Thai Police.

Nevertheless, Binder speculated that the motive for Carradine’s death was revenge. “David’s been looking over his shoulder since 1972, after killing the Chinese Emperor’s nephew. If you recall, the nephew murdered Grasshopper’s mentor and elder, Master Po. The Emperor’s assassins never gave up. I think they finally got him.”

Autopsy results were not expected before next week at earliest.

Binder joins Carradine’s family and friends, including his Kill Bill co-star Michael Madsen, in saying the actor was happy and would not have committed suicide. Madsen told Los Angeles police that he has long suspected Lucy Liu of having ties with China. “You should check her alibi,” he was quoted in a leaked police report.”

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